Is this something that you've encountered?
Both my wife and I have had the privilege of raising two children of our own - “wonderful” children we’d quickly add ... just in case they're reading this! But seriously, they're terrific young adults now, building their own lives and following career paths of their own. In addition to helping our children through their ‘formative years’ we’ve also been fortunate to have, perhaps in some small way, played roll minor in helping a few other young people learn and acquire new skills.
Occationally, I’m asked whether or not parents can be good Mentors for their children. To respond, I think the answer is a very definite, “That depends!” And of course, it all hinges on the quality of the relationship between the parties involved - something that's guaranteed to be "fluid". And taking that a little further, perhaps a high probability of a few tears being shed on both sides. If you're a parent, you already know that this is a challenging position - and that's due in part to the close familial relationship. Nurturing and developing our young people is definitely a key responsibility of parents. The reality, as we’ve likely also experienced, is that these most important relationships can also be laced with potential landmines. Any one of which has the potential to derail even the most well-intended learning objectives. So is there a solution?
As with most challenges we face in life, there are likely a number of options that could be explored. And it could be that a combination of methods will provide the optimal solution. One of those options could involve parents taking a facilitative role and engaging others in specific aspects of the learning process.
Recently, I’ve been collaborating with Dr. William A. Gray from Victoria, B.C. on a couple of projects related to Mentorship. One of them has been focussed toward those involved in Home Schooling. In this post, Dr. Gray describes a valuable process he’s used that can improve both the learning outcomes and the health of the family relationship for those involved. Thank you Dr. Gray for sharing this post with our readers.
Here are the comments from Dr. William A. Gray:
For eight years my wife (Marilynne) and I did R&D on Mentor-Assisted Enrichment Projects carried out by 300 of my undergrads with more than 1,000 youth in grades 4-12. Most of these MAEPs focused on Science, Technology, Engineering, Arts, Mathematics (STEAM), often in an interdisciplinary manner. When my undergrads wanted to carry out a MAEP with their own children, I encouraged this for many reasons.
Families have difficulty spending “quantity” time together when parents go off to work while their children go off to school. Parents and children seldom learn about each other’s abilities and gain respect for each other by working together in the family “business” as often occurred in years past. Youth seldom answer two very important questions: “What are my aptitudes, talents and career aspirations? What vocation matches my avocation?”
When parents implement a MAEP with their children, they spend “quality” time together while systematically sharing an expertise for 2-3 hours per week for 6-10 weeks. As Mentors, parents ensure their proteges learn about some aspect of STEAM that interests them, learn why this is important to know, and learn how STEAM concepts and skills solve real world problems. Involving other STEAM Professionals enables children to explore potential careers that match their aptitudes, talents and career aspirations, and then take courses to further develop this identified person-career fit. This is important so youth stay motivated to graduate, pursue the right academic major as undergrads, and enter a vocation that matches their avocation so they love the work they do each day. Employers also like this because the right person-career fit reduces costly employee turnover and improves work performance.
You are probably wondering: why does a parent need to think and act like a Mentor while implementing a Mentor-Assisted Enrichment Project? As a Mentor, parents perceive their children more objectively as Proteges and thus interact differently with them as they share an expertise that interests the Proteges. Assistance from Mentors occurs in two main ways: equipping Proteges with specific knowledge, practical know-how and wisdom. And, empowering Proteges to use their talents and creativity, and to learn and do what interests them. Enrichment is provided directly by Mentors while doing scheduled activities with Proteges, and indirectly when Mentors arrange for other professionals to share expertise. All of this occurs during a carefully planned Project that has a beginning, middle and end as illustrated below.
Photography example: A parent wanted to share an expertise in photography with her daughter – taking black and white photos using film, developing the film, framing the pictures, and entering them in Fine Arts Shows where she won awards. To equip the Protege, this Mentor taught and demonstrated these competencies and helped the Protege prepare good interview questions to ask when they visited other photography labs and met photographers at two Shows. The Mentor empowered the Protege to apply this new knowledge to digital photography the Protege was already doing – to enhance photo- taking (angles, lighting, contrasts, etc.) and produce digital images requiring less digital editing. The result: the Protege learned how to do all aspects of B&W photography and used this to enhance digital photography. Mentor and Protege gained respect for each other’s expertise, and for one another.
Architecture example: Two boys had a beloved grandmother living in a Seniors Residence. Each time they visited, they heard many complaints. The mother knew her sons were interested in architecture as a potential career, so she offered to be their Mentor on this project: Design an Ideal Senior’s Residence that meets their needs. This Mentor taught her Proteges how to prepare questions and facilitate a focus group, took them to do this at the grandmother’s residence, helped them translate responses into a draft design, got a professional architect (friend) to enhance it, helped them build a scale model based on the revised design with input from the architect, took them to facilitate another focus group to get feedback on the scale model, helped them modify the design using this feedback, took them to present their final scale model for “The Ideal Senior’s Residence.” The Mentor personally equipped the Proteges with needed knowledge and skills, and also arranged for professional assistance. This was necessary to empower the Proteges’ interest in possibly becoming architects. The seniors were more than pleased with the scale model and the presentation explaining its design, because they had been listened to and their needs had been understood. The two boys, the mother and grandmother had spent quality time together. And, the architect (and two would-be architects) learned the value of listening to focus groups at the front end of this project (to solicit input) and at the back end (to get it right).
Dr. William A. Gray is President of Corporate Mentoring Solutions Inc. He is a former Education professor at the University of British Columbia where he’s helped prepare more than 3,000 future teachers at UBC (1970-85). Dr. Gray has a BA (psychology), a Med (educational psychology) from the University of Virginia, and PhD (educational psychology) from the University of Texas. Dr. Gray has undertaken a considerable amount of research to improvements to “STEM” and/or “STEAM” education. He can be reached by Email at: wgray@mentoring-solutions.com
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